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  • Writer's pictureBy Shantrail King

I Have No Voice

One of the many challenges that most face in today’s time, is not being able to speak up for themselves.

Why can I NOT speak up for myself?

You may have trained yourself to believe that it is because you are shy. Maybe, you have created the narrative for yourself that you do not like confrontation. It could also be because you have inherited the belief, that you just do not like to deal with people. Have you ever asked yourself if it is deeper than these things?

Why do you not have a voice? Many who were born before the 2000s, were taught to talk and behave a certain way. You may have heard some of the things listed below growing up:

  • A child is to be seen and not heard

  • Stay in a child’s place

  • Stop asking so many questions

  • Keep crying and I am going to give you something to cry about

The reality of the last statement is that many bury their emotions right along with their voice because many were taught not to show emotions. To this day, many do not know what it is like to truly express and speak how they feel. As you are reading this, ask yourself, as a child were you freely able to have conversations with your parents about what was on your mind? The answer for many is simply no. As you are thinking to yourself why you were not able to, you may also be making excuses in your head for your parents as to why this may have never happened. This is not a 'beat-up on our parents' article, it is simply to get you to start thinking about some truths in your life. What we do not understand is that what we were not able to do healthily as a child, affects our daily interactions with those around us today.

When it comes to expressing yourself, do you feel in your adult years that you can

healthily do this? If you are being honest with yourself, when you want to feel heard do you find yourself expressing yourself while anger is arising in you?We cannot go back and change what happened in our childhood, but as adults, we can work on becoming a better us.

Leave the Past in the Past

This statement honestly, maybe one that is stopping you from progressing forward. You may have been taught that whatever the issue(s) of your past, get over it. The truth for many is that you may continue to rehearse this narrative in your head, and this may be keeping you stuck. When we do not truly take the time to recognize the truths of our past, it can keep us in a stuck place in our minds. Our past whether good or bad is what has shaped where we are in our lives today. We proceed forward in our everyday routines and often regress into ourselves, leaving us feeling like we have no voice. Our past may have been the culprit to us not being able to speak up for ourselves today. Keep in mind, that which we are not willing to deal with from our past will forever remain in our future!

No Voice in My Relationships

Family: When it comes to interacting with your family, do you all communicate healthily and effectively to that all can be heard? If your response was no, then why not? I am sure someone just said, well that is just the way that we are. Can the narrative of your family be changed for the better? Who will step up and take on the responsibility of helping to effect this change? Is it you? If so, part of the work begins with you doing personal work on yourself to become a healthier you. This may lead to others in your family wanting to change for the better, creating a positive rippling effect in your family.

Significant Other/Spouse: When it comes to your relationship with your significant other, are you able to share your feelings with him/her in a healthy way? Do you feel like you have no voice in your relationship and every time you speak about how you

feel, it turns into an argument?

Many in this situation will blame their significant other as being the problem.

However, in being honest with yourself, how much of a part do you play in the situation? What is preventing you from speaking what is on your heart in a healthy functioning way? Is it your significant other or do the roots stem from your childhood or a previous relationship? It is time for us as a people to start placing the blame where it belongs. In relationships, we often direct our anger toward the wrong individuals. Better yet, we tend to punish those who are not the root cause of the issues in our lives.

I Want My Voice

You may be asking yourself if it is possible that as an adult, you could be able to speak how you feel. You may even be wondering if you can be able to speak your truths without repercussions. The answer is simply yes! This is where seeing a therapist comes in. As a clinician, we walk beside you on your healing journey. If this is your true desire to be able to communicate, speak up and healthily advocate for yourself, get started in therapy today. That is why as therapists, we are here to assist. Allow us to be your Ear To Hear!

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